A Day in the Life of Me

if only it could be as exciting as i make it out to be

concerned and confused...
bradspageofme
i guess that's how you could term what i'm feeling right now. i'm concerned about the direction the church will head after Lance is gone and i'm confused about what my role will be in all of that and the reason why God has chosen to leave my family here.

concerns for the church:
there's no real leadership structure in this church.
there's one family that could possibly scare everyone else into following them (all but me and my family), and they certainly have no reason to be in leadership period, they're not nice folks.
deacon elections are coming up.
people who have left the church coming flocking back once they find out Lance is gone.
the church taking several steps backward.
the church hiring a terrible pastor.
the church running to me for everything.
the church simply ceasing to do anything.
new members leaving because Lance leaves.
how will they react after Lance is truly gone.
THE LIST COULD GO ON!!!

confusion and questions on my part:
what am i supposed to do now?
what is my role in making sure the church doesn't fall into those pits i just listed above?
why did God leave me here?
how does the church really feel about me?
how long will i be here after Lance is gone?
how will my family be affected by this?
what is the church going to expect of me after this?

maybe i'm being selfish. maybe i'm being unnecessarily concerned about things. maybe i've taken on part of Lance's semi-paranoid personality. who knows. what i do know is there is a lot to be concerned about when it comes to Fellowship Baptist Church because i'm just not certain of how strong they really are.

i'm not trying to bash my preacher, but maybe he wasn't able to equip our church in the way it needed to be. i don't know that they are fully able to stand on their own yet.

i don't know. just help me pray through this situation.

stressful...
bradspageofme
it's sinking in more and more that my pastor is actually leaving. statistically, i should either be leaving too, or i will be leaving soon.

will that be the case though? will i eventually be leaving? and if i do, for what? what do i have to go to?

all my work experience, all my education is centered on ministry. i have no skills, no degree that is worth anything in the REAL world and here i am with wife and child and if not for full-time ministry no real way to support my family.

there are so many IF's right now in my life it's ridiculous:
if we stay
if we go
if they do this
if they do that
if the church blows up
if the church moves forward
if the church hires the wrong pastor
if the church hires the right pastor
if the pastor they hire wants me
if the pastor they hire doesn't want me

who knows what the future holds. i'm trying to tell myself (and i know it to be true) that there is no need to worry about the future, God holds the future in His hands and what happens is because it was meant to be and God will work for us what is best for our lives. i am just impatient. i'm not going to lie. i'm not big on surprises.

so here i sit, thursday night and unable to sleep. i will most likely spend the rest of the evening thinking, not thinking, not sleeping definitely and just wondering.

how long, must i sing this song? how long, how long...

a chapter in my life is through; another one begins.
bradspageofme
i am currently a music minister at Fellowship Baptist Church in Burlington, NC. i have been here for nearly 2 years now (in october). anyways...i met Lance (pastor) the summer before we were hired here at a camp that my uncle was putting on for the church here. i lead worship and Lance asked if i was looking for work. i said, actually yes, but i dunno if i can come to a traditional/blended style church. he said, well...just give me your resume and we'll see what happens. obviously we all know what happened because i ended up coming.

to be honest, i know that God called me here, but also, i chose it because of Lance. i had gotten to know him at camp and knew that he was solid. i wanted to serve under a pastor like that. and i got the chance. we've been a through a lot here, but things have finally cooled down and i think the church is SLOWLY taking the turn.

nearly 2 years later, my pastor is now resigning.

i'm not going to lie; up to this point i had been looking at leaving myself and had actually talked to 2 other churches very seriously...but, i couldn't bring myself to leave. my wife and i had long discussions, i stayed up at night unable to sleep, and finally we decided it wasn't our time.

but, apparently it is Lance's time. God is calling him away to VA and leaving me here.

i will now be the only full-time paid staff. my only concern is the direction the church decides to go from here. they can not turn back now. they have to keep going forward, and maybe me being here will help that. i dunno; i do know that there are still some people in this church that have the power (if allowed) to halt everything we have made progress to.

luckily, i know there are a LOT of people who are on my side and totally support me; which is weird considering that many of those people are people who didn't want me here to begin w/. now they don't want me to leave.

either way, a chapter in my life is coming to a close. my pastor, for the 1st time i have a man i can call that, my pastor is leaving. i will DEEPLY miss him. i know he'll only be a short ways up the road, but none-the-less it will still suck.

pray for me and cherie as we are entering in to the next chapter of life. also, pray for Fellowship that they will not get discouraged and they won't go backwards, but will continue forward in the kingdom of God!

i am off to Cyprus :)
bradspageofme
well my friends...i'm off to Cyprus...i won't be back for a week, so pray for safe travel and an awesome time there...pray for cherie as she is going to be home, pregnant, w/o me...and if anyone replies to this...i'll bring them back something (NOT!)...not because i don't love you...i just don't have any money...but do please respond...when i return i will post each day's journal entries of while i'm there to let people know what happened....anyways...i'm outtie!



PEACE!

the reality of fatherhood...
bradspageofme
it's true...the excitement hasn't warn off, but the reality that i will be a father has REALLY set in...i'm scared...oct 17th isn't very far away...but i'm excited...i'm scared because i need to provide for my family, and i don't know if what i'm doing will suffice...cherie's nervous, but excited as well...it's a new corner of life we have turned, and it's a doozie...pray for us

BIG TIME UPDATES!!
bradspageofme
well...only 1...CHERIE IS PREGNANT!...i'm going to be a father...i'm stoked out of my mind...anyways...who wants to be an uncle or an auntie??

YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello my little livejournal...long time no typie..
bradspageofme
i'm in the process of trying line up many worship leading opporunities...i'm trying to let God be in control of this one. So far he has not led me astray, and has constantly confirmed to me that what i am doing is right for this time...

i have 2 missions trips i'm going on this next year...1 to cyprus, and 1 to costa rica...then i have the whole summer nearly mapped out when it comes to leading worship...i'll be workin' w/ my uncle nearly the entire summer on his youth evangelism things (camps, retreats, etc.)...

i also have a new job at a ware house that allows me to have my weekends to do the weekend retreats that i feel called to do...this is an exciting time in my life and i have no one to thank but God for it...for once i listened to him and i'm seeing why that is a good thing...yes, things have been stressful (money wise)...cherie was the only one workin' there for a while..but, now i have the ware house and lining up worship opportunities that pay well...

i'm constantly lookin' for opportunities to lead worship...so if you know of any...let me know!

i'm so hungry...

this is the last week of school...i'm ready for it to be done...trust me...tomorrow is actually my last day of class...then thursday begins my exams...i have a jury on thursday then i'm done (go to work)...then friday i have 2 exams..then next monday i have 1 then i'm done...next semester i'm dropping down to 3 classes...workin' 30 hours a week...and trying to do my best to stay in God's will...i now believe that the degree for Church music is not what i'm after, but rather some of the skills that i can sharpen through certain classes like voice lessons, piano lessons, and theory classes...so i've decided to drop out of the program, and just do those classes...so...we'll see what happens :)

well, that's all for now...TTFN!!

life update..
bradspageofme
well...it's that time of the year again where brad talks about what's going on in the life of himself and his wife! ok...so here goes:

i'm at NGU trying to obtain a BA in church music...won't be done for another 2 1/2 years...but it's cool...its kinda like doing seminary..lol...

cherie is working at Ann Taylor at the Haywood mall in greenville...full time...manager type lady...she wants to find something else to do that doesn't have strange hours and is consistent...

i'm looking for a job...part time...anywhere really, but has to be able to work with me on my schedule...

been getting lots of opportunities to lead worship for college and high school age folks, just like i feel called to do...strange how that seems to work out huh?

trying to get my own ministry rolling...not very easy, but getting somewhere...God is truly doing some fun things in my life...i have a website...not great, but it does the job for now...i also have shirts and things for sale for my ministry...how cool? anyways...just some thoughts...

hope to hear from everyone real soon...i will be in a couple of weddings next year...exciting!!! can't wait...

alright...well that's enough for now...holla back!

the monetary monster that eats our very livliehood!
bradspageofme
so i was eating lunch today w/ a dude from school (can't think of his name at the moment...sorry)...anyways...we were chatting it up...and i said to him..."you know...i wish i was a kid again...my only worry being how i can talk my parents in to letting me stay out and play longer." and he said "yeah...and the bills"....and i said "yeah...kids don't know what those are, and if they think they do...they think its some kid down the street they haven't played with...they'll say to their parents...'whos bill?' to which they will respond 'the monetary monster which eats our very livliehood...stay away from him'....of course...they're saying that so that the kid will stay young as long as he can because he doesn't know what growing up really means..." and that was that....haha...i just thought it was funny...the dude thought that was a great description...so here i am describing it for you!

tell me what you think..

why i journal (or blog in this case)
bradspageofme
it's funny to me to look over my journal entries on here...livejournal...or in my journals that are personal....why? because i can look back at the things i've done and laugh and remember all the great times i had...i never really started keeping a journal until college...i did a lil' before that, but not consistently...

i can look back and see exactly when i met my wife and how i felt at that moment...and not much has changed about my feelings...

i can look back and see the moments i had with my friends at CSU...the locking of keys in the car...the scaring of kim with crazy ideas of satan worshipers...and the countless times at the waffle house, downtown, or the beach...

they just make me smile...and some times i forget those times and need reminding...that's why i journal...to look back and remember...and when i'm 90 years old talking to my grand kids i can say something like "lemme read ya a lil' something from my college years"...lol...and make em' laugh w/ my funny stories (that are all true mind you)

anyways...i encourage you to look back over your journal entries and laugh a lil'...it's fun!

?

Log in